Acceptance form God

Oh my gosh! I've never thought of that as in like a big deal! In fact it is...! So i went to resound today! Mel and i were kinda late, so the song that we heard was how he loves us! And i think it's great song but i didnt have any feeling with that song!

Then jason started talking...I dont wanna talk about the whole thing. So i'm just talk about the stuff that stand out personally! ?Well he was kinda saying like how jesus had done nothing back in the time, but God still say "he's my son the one i plesased!" And he was explanning how we dont have to do anything thing to make God loves us! Because we are born in the way he loves us! And of course he created us as the way he wants us to be! Still, at that point i wasnt having any special feeling about it!

Then he showed us one of his birthday cards from his little brother! and it's said at the end "you should keep it...because this is one of a kind!" I was dumb i didnt even feel any yet! Then he showed us the video that i watched before..!The video was telling that a son cant even move his arm but he wants to run a Marathon... and his dad said yes to him, he was running with him the whole time with his heelchair! Not even a running Marathon he took him to Triathlon, while he was swimming he was swimming with the little boat..! That's the way how god loves us too! The father was doing those things to see his son' smile!The way how god illustrate his love to us...! It's just AWESOME! Like I started crying during the video..! That he's kinda saying why we dont need to comparing with others, or like do more and like doing good stuff to make myself holier! Cuz we are one of a kind! And we are not human Doings, we 're human beings!

I was crying a lot during the talk ... Cuz i know how bad i wanna be famous, how bad i wanna be a perfect child perfect friend, perfect brother... In fact, we 're not even close! We just gonna keep failing ourselves! it makes our lifes even worse with these kind of burden that we made to ourselves...! However, God's always there for us! His love is gonna make this kind burden vanished and turn into something good! Just like the lyrics said "he turns ashes to beauty"

This is really important to me. Cuz i'm the type of guy that always saying to myself" I'm not good enough". God said you're suck if you gonna judge yourself basic on human perspective, it's never gonna be good enough! However From my perspective you're one of a kind, just the way i want you to be, cuz you're my lovely son..! So put down your burden. cuz you have my love and you know what i think of you already!

God thank you for saying this to me! you touch my heart! You're so aweome! Ilove you so much! And i will try my best to remember that i 'm one of a kind of yours!

Life

Wow...I think i'm more mature that i thought i am! I dont know why! Well the only thing i was thinking about is get a degree as soon as possible! In order to do that, i have to study full time for another 5years... that's suck! But i mean who doesnt wanna get a degree...? For me degree is a thing to prove people i can do this i can do that...or to do something i wanna do! However, I'm totally lost, like i have no idea what i wanna do or like why i wanna stay at school!

Before i thought that it's all because the streess or those works...but now i dont think so! What i am sure is i need to find my characters ...! In order to do that i need to try new stuff or work a little bit. Therefore taking a gap year would be good for me!

I remeber people were shoked that i'm taking a gap year after i'm done with this course! But i think this time i really know what i want! I coudlnt find any reason why i wanna stay at school! Well there is one, to get the certificate..! other than that i truely couldnt think of any!

I really need to stop comparing myself to others...and also stop blaming how old i am...! people learn for their whole life! So i still have tons of times! What's more important? Focus on god more...sometime we totally forgot the bigger picture..! There gonna be reason why god puts you here... So yeah! Now i think god is telling me to take a gap year..! Youll never know what comes next! But my life is yours lord...! I trust you!

Result

Well, i know i havent wrote anything lastely! It's not becasue i'm lazy, I really dont think people is reading this! However, Jesse asked me why didnt i write anything on the blog.... Then I finally realize that there are people reading this blog!

Okay! Result, I thought i did okay cuz like most of the subjects are okay and like i worked so hard on each of the subjects...! However, when I realize i wasnt doing that great if i compare with my classmate. I feel really bad!

Compare! Well This is the the biggest reason why i wanna go overseas! Hk is like a really crazy place, cuz all they do its comparing people!whoever worse than the best one is loser...! This is so bad..! Actually, I found out that my emotion effected on my health as well. After i got my result back i started to feel bad physically!

Iknow i wasnt that good ... but please dont really push me... I really wanna die...! Study it's really crazy here... Ijust wanna leave...it's like the hardest thing in my life... not that you're not good enough... it's like the way people look at you it's really scary.. even your best friends are try to push...! You're not good enough you can do better! I know those are the words that make you do better! But i really cant take it! Dont apply your asianess in myself! IN HK no one can get straight A's.... as list not in local school! It's really tearing me apart,,,! Iknow I screw up already...! I always think that im useless.. People at my age should be in College but im not! just dont wanna think about it! I'm always not go enough! I'm rubbish