Life

Wow...I think i'm more mature that i thought i am! I dont know why! Well the only thing i was thinking about is get a degree as soon as possible! In order to do that, i have to study full time for another 5years... that's suck! But i mean who doesnt wanna get a degree...? For me degree is a thing to prove people i can do this i can do that...or to do something i wanna do! However, I'm totally lost, like i have no idea what i wanna do or like why i wanna stay at school!

Before i thought that it's all because the streess or those works...but now i dont think so! What i am sure is i need to find my characters ...! In order to do that i need to try new stuff or work a little bit. Therefore taking a gap year would be good for me!

I remeber people were shoked that i'm taking a gap year after i'm done with this course! But i think this time i really know what i want! I coudlnt find any reason why i wanna stay at school! Well there is one, to get the certificate..! other than that i truely couldnt think of any!

I really need to stop comparing myself to others...and also stop blaming how old i am...! people learn for their whole life! So i still have tons of times! What's more important? Focus on god more...sometime we totally forgot the bigger picture..! There gonna be reason why god puts you here... So yeah! Now i think god is telling me to take a gap year..! Youll never know what comes next! But my life is yours lord...! I trust you!

Result

Well, i know i havent wrote anything lastely! It's not becasue i'm lazy, I really dont think people is reading this! However, Jesse asked me why didnt i write anything on the blog.... Then I finally realize that there are people reading this blog!

Okay! Result, I thought i did okay cuz like most of the subjects are okay and like i worked so hard on each of the subjects...! However, when I realize i wasnt doing that great if i compare with my classmate. I feel really bad!

Compare! Well This is the the biggest reason why i wanna go overseas! Hk is like a really crazy place, cuz all they do its comparing people!whoever worse than the best one is loser...! This is so bad..! Actually, I found out that my emotion effected on my health as well. After i got my result back i started to feel bad physically!

Iknow i wasnt that good ... but please dont really push me... I really wanna die...! Study it's really crazy here... Ijust wanna leave...it's like the hardest thing in my life... not that you're not good enough... it's like the way people look at you it's really scary.. even your best friends are try to push...! You're not good enough you can do better! I know those are the words that make you do better! But i really cant take it! Dont apply your asianess in myself! IN HK no one can get straight A's.... as list not in local school! It's really tearing me apart,,,! Iknow I screw up already...! I always think that im useless.. People at my age should be in College but im not! just dont wanna think about it! I'm always not go enough! I'm rubbish

Sick of Drama

Well, i thought that the first day of the new semester would be really great! But i thought that way...I even uploaded the photo of the good weather on facebook which means a good start of the new semester. I really thought the first day back to school would be awesome. The fact is not!

The drama was caused becuase of the spliting in to groups for Group presentation. I always stick with the group with my best friends, but the situation is not the same anymore. That girl dating with that guy, that guy have to be the leader of the group. For some reason i just know that i would not have a happy ending with that group, cuz i'm kinda a leader role in a group. Therefore it would cause even more drama if i join that group. So i decided to be at the other group.

I really thought that would be the perfect move for the situation that i had! However, the girl gone mad cuz i dont wanna join her group. But think about it. How would people on the earth would join a group like that. I mean it dosent mean that i dont like being friends with them but i just cant take that much of drama, the only thing i want is to focus on my work!

Next time, i should think of smarter move for myself, if have to deal with a situation like that! Well I just dont want eveyone to be upset!

Beside that it was a pretty good school day for me cuz i was pretty focusing! And I still feel God's present. After all the things i've been through to get this feeling back, hope that feeling is not going away any sooner!

btw i got a knitted scarf form 1 of my classmates=]

A Touching Coversation with God

I think you guys all know that i've been barely showing up recently. Umm, i think the reason is because i didnt think i deserve this wonderful and GREAT( as Crowder said) relationship with God. At that time i have a lot of problems to deal with. For example, my Mom's family having a money problem because of her husband loses his job, my dad still having a low paid job, school stuff is driven me crazy and i was kinda learning to be more independence. Those stuff were making me really stressful. Therefore i didnt wanna go to church at all to show my pitty face!

Today, i went to the 5pm service( thanks Tyler) The Service was GREAT because was about God. One thing was like slap my face off! He said something like " nothing can make god loves you more or less!" At that point i started crying cuz i've forgot the most important thing about god, and he was kinda mentioned the song that i have no idea what that is. The lyrics was so touching. After the speaking we sang the " Here im to worship" i couldnt hold my tears anymore, then i ask Caro for tissue, i hope i didnt scared you!

The reason why i was crying is because i always tell myself that why im going through all those stuff but no one is there to say something like "everything's gonna be okay!" or "you're doing great!" . But today i really feel love from God. HE really touches my heart. Now i know what's like to have a relationship with God. This is what i have never tried before!

Encounter

I feel like i havent been to encounter for so long.I just really miss the encounterlast year. I thought we were so close with each other. That makes me realize i should talk to the new kids more!

It was better than i thought though! Small group was kinda awkward for me. i have no idea why, but i just didnt feel like to share, maybe i get used to jon and Matt too much, now i need sometime to get used to the new leaders. btw they are so cool! but i just need sometime...

After the small group we sang together, and i played a little bit guitar! I havent played that in a really long time! I miss it so much!

Then we went to watch The Imagnarium of Doctor Parnssus. it was good but jon and marcus dont like it...!

Ummm, going back to school next monday. I dont wanna go back for sure, cuz i know once i started school i would be really busy, and i dont have time to hang out with my friends, which is i really hate about school! Anyway, i'm gonna try my best to show up!

Jesse thanks for your email! I'm checking the tickets every week, i think that plan is work for me, and thank you for putting them together for me. I'm really looking forward to you guys' wedding! PS TST is good option for honey moon!

video blog

Thoughts

It's been almost a week, since I came back from The Philippines and India. Both of the trips were so much fun, not only because you can able to servie people also you can have a deeper relationship with your friends even the people you didnt even know! Which is awesome!

I still remember I really wanted to go home when I first be there in India. It was totally different. In Hong Kong you can barely see things around you, what I meant is you couldnt see things far enough. In India you could to it, because the buildings were like not complete at all and also they were really short, so you could see things mcuh further than Hong Kong. One of the things was really impressed me, which was the lighting storm. As i said you couldnt really see things that far because of the buildings blocked your sight. But in India the lighting storm was like someone is painting on a massive black sheet. I never see those things before. Because that was my first trip out of China, so I was so surprise I can able to see those things!

We were going to this trip is all because of Christ. He wants us to show his love in India, and we did it! Even we wasnt do it perfectly, but still I can feel the joy from those kids we helped with. They were really amazed by camera, they were enjoy the happiness while we took evey single picture, I guess they never saw a camera before. It shows that how much blessings we got from God. I finally realize that we really got more than enought from God In Hong Kong. Which is why we should go on a mission trip like that, to help people who needs the ''more than enough'' from God and also let them know that they are not forgotten.

During the trip one of the girl thinks she got Swine Flu from Hong Kong, I was really scared, firstly I wanted to catch the flight to go back to Hong Kong for Exam. Secondly, I didnt want to still there for 7 more days in the creepy hospital. While we was waiting for the test result, they were praying really hard and read their bible and stuff. At that time I was really sturggle from rather I believe in God or not. Therefore i didnt pray much because I thought that was really stupid. Finally the report came back, it said she HAS SWINE FLU, they all really calm but I wasnt. I supposed to go back to Hong Kong that day but I was really freak out because they had our passport number.(Also that was my first time fly alone so i was freaking out!) I was worrying they will block me to go to Hong Kong. Thanks God I made it. While I was on my way to the airport, I was praying really hard in the cab. Most likely i prayed for 2 hours to everyone in that trip. I felt horrible because I left alone, as a team we should still together no matter what!

I know it was kinda scared for the first mission trip, but i did learn from God how to do more things for the people around you. Also I learn how to trust God even we are in a really really bad situation. I really hope that i can go back next year...! I will do the Philippines later..!